Living with Depression, my morning thoughts, a poem

photography by @Soulhood_T

Everyday could be the end

Sometimes I wake up that way

And I feel that way

But it could be a disorder

I don’t want to seem deep, dark, and depressed

But I am

I am also light & loving

& I wonder which side people pay more attention to

I have to express these thoughts

Even if it may make others run away

Or just not care

I can’t talk most of the time

Or find very few times to do so

But it could be my illusion

Now is not like before

My depression has enhanced but it is now not a burden

More so just an aspect of me

That lives and breathes

My two polars

Balanced in my life

& In my being

I couldn’t have asked for a better way

To cope and deal with it

But it could be an illusion

And if so, I could be crazier than I think

I fear

My life ending

Because I desire a material life

With love and abundance

I would not put this on anyone

And I’d be unsatisfied with a man who cannot handle

The darkness within

Only attracted to my light

Falling for the illusion I fall for

There is one

So far

Who could handle it

But the desire is unmatched

I see friend

He sees love or whatever the fuck it is

I don’t want it

My desire for love has weakened

My desire for fulfillment is what I care about

I desire to fulfill myself

And I’m happy about that

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