I need to see myself
I am a bitch
Do I need to speak
About the intuition I’ve been holding on to?
How I’ve been obsessively thinking about this niggle in my heart?
Strongly holding on to the face of being okay
I am resilient and I am strong
Strong enough to hide that I’ve been holding on
To a love that is not mine
Because I believe that it will be
Am I ignoring the signs that say he is not?
Or am I ignoring the signs that says he is?
Was it all an illusion?
Is there really all love and light within this thing that I could only see darkness
Because fear set in when an inch of love was felt
Am I the issue?
Deep down inside my facade of a life that I so gratefully admire
They tell me to unbound myself
Release the soul patterns and the past lives
The trauma that I have been holding on to
Like playing small because of fear of being seen
There is another being inside of me
& they say that being can go
I say the being of playing small
Doubting and being okay with others doubting me
It would be the person who would arise if I were to die today
& I am afraid of death
Even though, I have felt it before and I survived
This life does not make me happy
but would I sacrifice myself for the betterment of humanity?
When I smacked that floor
I was reborn
We are really living in misery
We spend our lives making a dollar
And we can't even have a break to just live
This is not what life is about
Being a human is living in hell
When we could be a cloud and just float in the sky, however in conditions that spread and give love to keep the pollution away
Is there a life such as this?
Or will being human be a complete life of constantly being pushed and moved and in need to constantly create friction
I am weak
And find it to be burdening physically to even muster the energy to type this
Because deep in my body death is occurring
And death comes in many forms
This one is unsure